Today I read that Nils Pickert , (from Germany), allows his 5 year old son to wear dresses in public. This dad doesn’t like the reactions people give his poor kid, so he’s wearing a skirt “in solidarity”. Yep. Here’s what he says:
“Yes, I’m one of those dads that try to raise their children equal. I’m not one of those academic daddies that ramble about gender equality during their studies and then, as soon as a child’s in the house, still relapse into those fluffy gender roles: He’s finding fulfillment in his carrier and she’s doing the rest. Thus I am, I know that by now, part of the minority that makes a fool of themselves from time to time. Out of conviction.” Huffington Post
Come on over to my house Nils. Sit down … let me mix you a drink. I'd like to share with you some facts about kids. First, I can assure you that your son will find as much “fulfillment” in a box of legos or a gluestick - trust me on this. Second, ALL little boys want to try wearing makeup and ALL little girls try standing up to pee. They want to be like mommy/daddy. The first rule of parenting is, teach your kids the difference between boys and girls. It’s not about “gender equality” it’s about anatomy and life. A child’s desire to experiment with such things will continue long after your discussions begin. Your job is to spend these years pointing them in the right direction. If you indulge your childs every ridiculous desire , while exposing him to ridicule and criticism, won't that fuck him up more than just telling him “boys don’t do that”? Hell - let him wear some heels around the house if he needs to get it out of his system.
I once let my son out of the house with nail polish. He proudly showed it off to some ten year old twats who ripped on him relentlessly until I intervened. (Shame on me). I felt so bad for my son that I went home and cried about it for days. My heart hurt so badly for him - that he was a butt of a joke and that I caused it. Do you not feel that?
Generally speaking, kids at this age don’t need to “find their identity” or “express who they are”. They need to learn social survival skills like, “please”, “thank you” and “don’t touch me there”. They have years of making mistakes ahead of them while you're not around. Don't let them start when you are.
Nils, I respect your sense of humor and the love you have for your son. I too, do ridiculous things for my kids but this isn’t about you. I think your priorities are screwed up and this is a sick way to get attention while putting your kid in an unnecessary spotlight.
You go, girl! Since Nils paraded his son down the street with their dresses on -- tomorrow they ought to march down that same street in their camos ;o) Love, Auntie Pam
ReplyDeleteThanks Auntie Pam - you're the best!
ReplyDeleteHi! Stopping by from MBC. Great blog!
ReplyDeleteHave a nice day!
I have to tell you, I'm queer and I am not feeling the love. Try again.
ReplyDeleteYou are telling the parents of gay children that the way they should deal with the bullying that their kids may experience is not to confront the bullies, but to counsel their children to hide who they are. Presumably forever, since 18-year-old will also have to deal with homophobes. But you love them! 100%!
What else do you suggest? Jewish kids should pretend to be Christian so they won't be teased by anti-Semites? Girls who love math should act dumb in math class because some people are threatened by math-smart girls?
By the way, lots of hetero men like to wear "women's" clothing. Also, wearing a dress is not a matter of anatomy, as men around the world who wear kilts, robes, and other forms of skirt can tell you. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with it.
Full disclosure: I am female and wearing pants as I write this. I hope you're not shocked.
Mookiesmamma - Thank you for taking the time to respond.
DeleteFirst - I would never tell my children NOT to confront bullies. I think they should stand up for themselves. However, I would teach them some ways to AVOID bullying, like not putting out there just how different you are. The age group of his peers doesn't have the maturity to handle what they're seeing. You, as the parent, can just say no to dresses (for now) and give your child a few more worry free years. Maybe wait till he's older and can make these life changing decisions for himself...
Second - religion and IQ are VERY different than gender role reversal. Society, (in general), doesnt quite get it yet so it's much more shocking to see a little boy in a dress vs a little boy in a yarmulke. I think you guys have a long road ahead but you're fighting a good fight.
Third - kilts, robes and skirts are not traditionally worn in the US so here, sexual orientation has everything to do with it.
Thanks again,
Jamie
This did not happen in the US and i do know some guy that live in the US that do wear kilts and skirts everyday in texas where i live.
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